Financial Infidelity – Why It Can Cause Havoc with Your Marriage

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We all know that a spouse’s romantic infidelity can destroy a marriage. Cheating shows dishonesty and lack of respect, and can lead to long-term trust issues that can mean the end of a marriage. But what about financial infidelity?

As it turns out, financial infidelity – which is generally understood to mean one spouse lying to the other about their spending or other financial issues, or keeping some of their spending activities a secret – can often be as much of a destructive force on a marital partnership as romantic infidelity, and sometimes even worse.

Financial infidelity can manifest itself in a number of different ways: one spouse having credit cards that the other spouse doesn’t know about, going on shopping binges, secret bank accounts, or spending money simply as a method of punishing or exacting revenge on the other spouse. The common theme through all of these behaviors is dishonesty. And dishonesty strikes to the fundamental bond of marriage.

All lies do damage to the trust that needs to exist between spouses. The spouse who commits a minor financial infidelity might argue that since the amount of money at issue is small, there shouldn’t be a problem. But it’s very easy for the other spouse to think “if it’s only a small amount, then why lie about it at all?”

More significantly, large financial infidelities can severely impact the quality of life of the couple for a long time. A spouse who goes on a secret spending binge could easily run up thousands or tens of thousands of dollars in charges on the couple’s joint credit card. And it might take years of hard work for the couple to pay off that debt.

It would be difficult for the other spouse to not feel violated, with his or her hard work devalued or diminished. They may begin to view the “cheating” spouse as an enemy, or at least as someone who doesn’t share the same values or long-term goals.

Sometimes financial infidelity is a symptom of a larger issue. Financial infidelity may be an indication that the spouses have vastly different goals and views about how marital life should proceed. If one spouse is a “saver”, and the other is a “spender”, then it would not be surprising for financial conflicts to arise, or that other issues could arise in the future.

And if the secret spending is done to fill a void or to cover up a depression or feelings of inadequacy, then clearly there are root issues that will put a stress on the marriage.

Some divorce lawyers say that they see more divorces that are caused by financial infidelity than sexual infidelity. Couples who are willing to work to keep their marriages healthy will do what they can to avoid financial infidelity by taking steps to communicate openly and often with one another about marital finances.

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